A good preparation

If an act involves a serious matter and is committed simultaneously with full knowledge and full consent of the will, it is a mortal sin, also sometimes called grave sin. If one of these three elements is missing, it is not a mortal sin, but possibly a venial sin (see below). Mortals sins chase God with His grace and His love out of our souls.

A venial sin is a minor sin, not as grave as a mortal sin. It is committed when there is a light matter, or also a serious matter without full knowledge or full consent of the will. It weakens love and interferes with progress in the moral life.

Mortal sins that we have not yet confessed and which we remember after a careful examination of conscience, we must confess. This is the ordinary and only way we know of to be forgiven of our grave sins with certainty. As for daily sins, confessing them is heartily recommended by the Church, even though it is not strictly necessary, because it helps us to form our conscience correctly, to fight against our bad tendencies, to be healed by Christ and to advance in the spiritual life. But don’t try to remember every daily sin (this can become an obsession we call “scruples”). At least a few minutes seems to be sufficient. (See Code of Canon Law, 988)

Regret is the natural feeling we have when we realize we have done something wrong. Repentance is the same, except that it is not only about what we did wrong, but explicitly about whom we did it to. Repentance is the painful awareness that we have wronged God through our sins, accompanied by the desire to make amends. So repentance begins with a negative sense of regret or guilt, but takes us to where we ask and receive forgiveness from God who redeems us, including our guilt. And that is extremely positive!

We distinguish between perfect and imperfect contrition. Contrition is perfect when it arises from love for God—when we realize that God loves us so immensely that He deserves all our love in return, and that our sins offend His love so deeply that we come to detest them even more. If our contrition is perfect, it is, in itself, already sufficient for forgiveness, even of grave sins, before we go to confession. Yet we long for confession and go to it because we are never sure that our repentance is perfect.

Contrition is imperfect when it arises more out of disgust for our sins or fear of a punishing God than out of love for Him. Thankfully, imperfect contrition is sufficient to receive forgiveness in confession, as it is at least directed toward God. But here’s the surprise, in the sacrament of confession Jesus causes our imperfect contrition to become perfect in God’s eyes, for He completes what is still lacking in our contrition. Yes, God is truly good! (See Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1451-1453)

The Canon Law (983) says, “The secret of confession is inviolable”. Every confessor is obliged to keep an absolute silence about the sins he has learned about in confession. There are severe penalties, such as excommunication, for violating this secrecy. (See Canon Law, 1388).

Many people like to confess in a confessional, out of respect for the sacredness of the sacrament, out of habit or for the sake of discretion. It is true that you may confess anywhere. Nevertheless, every church will provide at least a highly visible confessional (with grille or opaque screen), because it is the most private place for confession (see Canon Law, 964). If that bothers you, ask the confessor to confess outside the confessional. But do try to confess in a confessional some time.

The Ten Commandments are certainly still valid. Jesus did give them a broader and more perfect meaning. He “upgraded” its moral requirements: by also directing them toward the purification of our inner self, by making them more than just minimal requirements, and by linking them to the greatest commandment: love of God and love of neighbor.

The Ten Commandments – even though concise – can serve as a guide for our examination of conscience:

I am the Lord your God. You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall you serve.
You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.
Honor your father and your mother.
You shall not kill.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.

See Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1422-1498 and 1854-1864, and Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, 296-312 and 394-396.